Fifty Shades of Red

Photo by  Oluwaseyi Johnson  on  Unsplash A Toast To: All of whom we meet along the way. Song Pairing: The Buggles - “Video Killed the Radio Star” (from the album, The Age of Plastic, 1979). If someone asked “what’s your earliest childhood memory,” what would you say? Is it just me or do all people have a clear defining moment from their early childhood that they consider their very first memory? Why is it that moment? What about it makes the brain take a snapshot and permanently store it as the first amongst all other memories collected through life? I have alluded to my earliest memory in previous posts but skimmed over it. I mentioned I might come back to explore it one day. My earliest life memory happened when I was three years old. Was I three? I think so. This is the age my brain catalogued it. If it wasn’t three, wouldn’t my brain remember another age? Two, four? I’m sticking with three. Now, as with most memories, there are very vivid parts and parts that seem to...

Photo by Roberto Rendon on Unsplash A Toast To: Music being the food of love. Song Pairing: Chris de Burgh - “Patricia the Stripper” (from the album, Spanish Trains and Other Stories, 1975). In preparing for this post I challenged the old memory bank, to recall every concert I have ever attended. I quit adding to the list when I surpassed the fifty-show mark. It was quite fitting that I have averaged one show for every year of my life. Now, I have family and friends who have seen Bruce Springsteen and Dave Matthews Band at least fifty times. So yes, my number is impressive to some, totally lame to others. It was fun reminiscing but also strange when I couldn’t remember for sure if I went to Def Leppard or Red Hot Chili Peppers. For the record, I didn’t count those two. I’m quite sure I am forgetting a few others as well. My high school years were especially blurred. The only musician I gave two shits about back then was BD but of course I cannot for the life of me recall the name of ...

Photo by  NIR HIMI  on  Unsplash A Toast To:  Joy coming from within, and gifting others with my energy. Song Pairing: Leona Lewis - “Bleeding Love” (from the album, Spirit, 2007) - or as my brother calls it “The Period Song.” It has been over a year since I started living on my own again. October will mark a year of separation from my husband. This blog has explored some aspects of my highs and lows and has been an outlet for healing, escape, but mostly for recollection, processing thoughts, and gaining perspective.  A few weeks ago, it dawned on me that I have spent very few years as a single person. As a teenager, I was very mature for my age. I looked older, acted older, and my life experiences far exceeded those in my age group. It’s probably why most of the people I hung out with back then were older than me. My first kiss came at fifteen, which I think is old for first kisses. Now, I had been kissed, but there was no tongue until fifteen. I was in a relat...

  Photo by  Mick Haupt  on  Unsplash A Toast To:  My Dad - please don't be mad. Song Pairing:  The Guess Who  "No Sugar Tonight / New Mother Nature” (from the album, American Woman, 1970). By now I think I have established my love of fur babies. I have introduced my crazy pupperoo, Boo, to the "Redheads" (that's you). Out walking the Boo last week, I thought about how lucky I've been to have so many pets. In the case of Boo, the only reason it's possible for me to have her is because of a shared arrangement I have with her Daddy. This made me think, how did I manage in the past? How did my parents manage? Admittedly, Boo is spoiled rotten, and I am absolutely the problem. She gets four walks a day. She is not let out in a backyard, on a leash, to aimlessly wonder until she does her business. Boo is also very rarely left alone. As I continued my stroll, I pondered about how, as a kid, we left our dog Daisy by her lonesome all day long? And then I rememb...

Photo Credit: Personal Archives Song Pairing: Blue Rodeo  "Head Over Heels” (from the album, Five Days in July, 1993). Toast To:   Trusting the process. So many emotions, so much to say, where to start? I don’t know if the anticipation began upon deciding to take this trip, or if it gradually built over time as I planned and saved. All I know is I have had a lot of thoughts, more than usual, and more than I have liked. Too much time either frees my mind or busies it. No doubt my nagging intuition that this trip had a bigger purpose didn't help. A purpose greater than me, one out of my control, and perhaps one I really didn’t want to confront. As much as I am grateful for having the opportunity to take this adventure, and though I saw and felt much beauty every day, the fear, sadness, and loneliness felt over the past two weeks was extremely tough. Trust me, I wanted none of it, and I tried very hard to choke it down the minute it crept up. Quickly I realized I was fucked....